So this is it... my post-graduation blog. I graduated on May 16th from UMUC and it was a great moment in my life. Being at the ceremony with 1000 other graduates and listening to their stories made me feel something that I hadn't felt in my four years at UMUC. I felt a sense of community. We didn't share memories of homecoming games, or dorm adventures. But all of us, mostly adult learners, shared a common story of perseverance, patience, and dedication. It seemed as though all of us had to balance school, work, and family life, not to mention the unforeseen occurrences that befall us all.
That Saturday, my family had a special dinner. It was awesome because we had flank steak and two kinds of potatoes and salads. I was really happy. One of my friends asked me a couple of days later if I cried when i got my diploma. I didn't. I was in shock. I almost didn't believe that I had done it. But by Tuesday, I had a couple of good cries. I cried about my parents not being able to make it because of circumstances completely out of their control. I cried because I wasn't able to invite people that I wanted to invite because we didn't find receive our tickets until the last minute. And I cried because I worked 13 days in a row and was totally exhausted.
So here's the thing... I graduated 12 days ago and although I should be happy about it, I have been feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Yesterday, I was at work and felt like I was going to lose my marbles. I have had a number of projects and requests and I guess that since I haven't had homework to redirect my focus, my mind has been drifting to work issues in the evenings, leaving me feeling completely exhausted. I have even dreamt about work issues. So yesterday, while at work my mind began to race. It was disturbing and unnerving. I talked to my coworker about all the emotions I was feelings, but that still didn't make me feel better.
A little bit later... oh man... I sent a very short, to the point email to my supervisor... "Can you talk?" It was the beginning of a conversation that effectively got me down off the ledge. I was feeling a loss of control and profound sadness, the kind of sadness that makes you have one of two thoughts; run and don't stop running or curl up in a corner and rock back and forth. I didn't have either option, so I choose to talk it through and it was really helpful.
First of all, post-graduation depression is a real thing. I was feeling depressed and a sense of loss. The space that use to be filled with homework wasn't being filled. So my mind was refocusing that energy on work, so much so that I was constantly thinking about work, even dreaming about it. Not good...
But I will say this, though talking it though, J gave me some practically suggestions to help combat my stress. I gave some of the suggestions a try today and even though I didn't get everything done today, I have a concrete idea of what I did get done.
So what's the point? Sometimes even a great moment in your life, a moment that should bring happiness, even those moments can bring stress and even a period of grieving. The key is to come up with a constructive way to deal with it.
