Julie Jones - I was just thinking: 6/1/09

Monday, June 29, 2009

Musiq and Lyrics...

I'd hate to walk away from you as if this never existed
Cause when we kissed the moment after I looked at you different
Lately I gotta watch what I say
Cause you take things personal nowadays
You used to laugh now you get mad
I just want my friend back

And my mind's gone half crazy cause I can't leave you alone (oh can't get you out of my system)
And I'm wondering if it's worth me holding on (holding on)
Said my mind's gone half crazy cause I can't leave you alone (can't get you out of my system)
And I'm wondering if it's worth me holding on

oh oh oh oh oh yeah
What happened to the one I used to know (oh yeah yeah)
The one I used to laugh and joke with
The one I used to tell all my secrets
We used to chill and be down for whatever whenever together yeah

- Halfcrazy by Musiq Soulchild

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Getting things off my chest

It's been a while since I've written something of substance in my blog. I've been a bit busy going to school, working, improving my ministry. I've had so much on my mind, so much I've wanted to say. But I haven't been able put my feelings into words. I'm finding writing in ambiguous terms is harder than it used to be. Since my blog is imported into Facebook, I'm more cautious about what I say, so as not to offend. So my alternative is not writing often or at all.

I have been going over in my head all the the things I've been through in the last six months. My last semester of college was by far the most difficult. I had the most difficult class of my college career and no where to turn for help. See when you take classes online, your options are severely limited in terms of getting help. Towards the end, I wasn't sure if I'd even pass the class. But I decided to take my final and walk at commencement regardless. I've waited 18 years to graduate from college and after all these years, I deserved to walk. I found out that I aced my last to projects and final exam and passed my class.

In terms of work, well, things have been challenging. My first three months on the job was hard - really hard. I seriously wondered if I had made the right decision about leaving IT. I had to learn a whole new job. It was a hard transition, but I made it through. These last six months, though, have been a whole different kind of challenging. Developing new procedures and preparing for the new projects put a strain on me. There were nights when my mind when couldn't wind down from work after work. My saving grace was homework and studying for my Christian meetings.

In addition, I found that the people in my inner circle began to change. Some relationships that were previously strong have waned while some people who were previously acquaintances have become close friends. I still don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that. I feel joy for the new friends I've made. I have new people in my life that I can talk to about my bad days and they offer me really practical advice that works. But I also feel anger about the relationships that have changed. I'll get through it...don't worry.

I'm looking forward to the summer. It is starting off well. I'm getting a head start on many of my projects, which will be a great help when the Horowitz Center fall season starts.

****** Later that day******

I started this blog on June 25, 2009, before I heard that Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died... I feel sad for both of their families. Part of me feels like the things that am feeling aren't important because I still have my mother and father. There are three kids who have lost their father and a young man that has lost his mother. The worst part is that none of them can grieve privately.