30 days and a million lessons

 My 30 sabbatical from Wodify and Rx+ Metcons

It started with open workout 16.3. Well, I should say that it became apparent to me during 16.3 that my attitude about Crossfit had changed. After almost a year of loving workouts, my view about training and metcons in particular took a negative turn. My coaches saw it before I did. I was doing metcons at Rx+ almost constantly. That little red badge by your score almost guarantees that you will be at the top of the whiteboard at the end of the day.  For a competitive person, being on top all the time can be hard to resist.

It starts with a seemingly innocent competition to beat your friend in a metcon or skill WOD. When that happens, it's a nice feeling. I'm not gonna lie. But the next time it happens, it feels different. It starts to feel like something you have to do. Eventually, beating your friend isn't enough. What you need to get your fix is to beat everyone else. That top spot on the white board is like taking the podium at the Crossfit Games; you are the fittest in your box. You don't say it out loud. But you do think it.

Then that day comes when you find yourself with the whiteboard open all day to check the scores like a gambler at the race track. If you already did the WOD, your main concern is that no one beats your score. If haven't done the workout, your main concern is how you can beat every person that jumps to the top of the whiteboard throughout the day. You think to yourself, "if I do xx reps per minute, I can get this score." You actually start gaming the WOD. But the really low point comes that day when  your friends when they do well on a WOD and you don't and you aren't happy for them. You know that day; it's the day when you find yourself in the back of the box upset about that WOD that just didn't go your way. That is the day when you realize that you're in a bad head space.

But wait, didn't you start Crossfit to get in shape? Weren't your first few months so much fun because you were learning so much everyday? Weren't you taking thosee things you learned and becoming functionally fit? Yeah, you were walking taller, feeling confident, eating right and talking about how Crossfit helped improve your health.

That was me. I started off right. But a year later, I was addicted to being on top. I left Wodify up on my computer all day. My low point was when I didn't get a bar muscle up during 16.3. I was mad about it. But what took me over the top was when I saw all of my friends get their first bar muscle ups, one right after another, it just ate away at me on the inside. It was like battery acid on my heart. It burned me alive. When I tried to get one after two days off and didn't get it, I was devastated in a way that I had never experienced before. I was sad and shortly after afterwards deeply ashamed for not being happy for everyone else. You'd think that would be the tipping point for me. But ironically it took two more weeks to see the full depth of my problem.

After the open, I talked to two important people in my life who told me point blank that I needed to get it together.  The competition thing had gone too far. So I agreed to take 30 days off from doing Rx+ WODs and 30 days off from Wodify. Now to clarify, I didn't stay completely out of Wodify. I sign in from my phone a couple times a week when I am running late for class. And when we are repeating a skill WOD or Metcon, I check to see what I got previously to gauge where I should be in terms of weight or time. But outside of class, I don't check the whiteboard. Wherever I end up on the whiteboard is no longer been my concern. It's not my business to worry about it.

Now, I didn't miraculously have that realization. At the beginning of my sabbatical, I started meeting ladies from the New You Challenge group. They are all new to Crossfit and for some of them, new to fitness in general. They are starting their journey and everyday is a great day because they are learning new things and seeing gains in all areas of their lives. They are me one year ago. Meeting them and helping them achieve new skills brought me full circle.

Many of the ladies asked me about my journey and what brought me to Crossfit and living a healthy lifestyle. Telling my story helped refocus me and it forced me to go back to living an authentic life. I was living the life of a Crossfit hypocrite. Crossfit is about fitness, yes, but it's also about community. I wasn't about community; I was about me.

My 30 days is almost over and I have been giving some thought about getting back on Wodify and back to doing Rx+ WODs. While I miss liking other people's scores, I have felt some relief from not doing it for a month. Not checking my standing on the whiteboard has forced me to be present during the workout, but then present with my life outside of the box. I don't want to give that up. In terms of Rx+, I have taken the month to refocus on virtuous form during the workouts. I feel like a better athlete because of that focus. Finishing last with good form is way better than finishing first with bad form. I can't imagine never doing Rx+ again. I think that doing Rx+ has a place in my life. It's just not first place anymore.

Watch this video from Barbell Shrugged:

It's about finding joy in your training. It was what got me thinking about making these changes in my life.