I'm like a calculus problem you just can't solve

A few weeks ago, a co-worker said something to me that I found quite rude. She said, "when you keep your hair long, you really don't do anything with it." What I found rude was the tone with which she said it. This person knows of me, but she doesn't know the real me. She assumes that since she can afford to make regular trips to the salon, so can everyone else. She thinks a lot of herself and very little of other people. And honestly it's a waste to give her any of my energy.

But it got me to thinking... How many of my "friends" really know me. There are less than a handful that really know the innermost me.

• The me who really can't deal with crowds of more than 4 people at a time.
• The me who can't stand the smell of ketchup.
• The me who had more unpleasant days in middle school than her mind will allow her to remember.
• The me who as an adult is still uncomfortable in the dark.
• The me who has felt sadness so deeply that it was manifested in physical pain.
• The me who takes delight in her childlike qualities.
• The me who doesn't wear makeup because she never learned how to put it on.
• The me who wishes she had finished the adapted screenplay she started in 1989.
• The me who considers very few people real friends and all other acquaintances.
• The me who literally dreams up solutions to work problems.
• The me who has had an exciting, yet tumultuous 4 months.
• The me who still dreams about Petey and his final days navigating in the snow.
• The me who is working on being happy even though at times it's really hard.

Most people don't know the real me...and I'm OK with that.

Theresa Jane Jones - My Grandmother

My Grandmother - Theresa Jane Jones

A collage of pictures of my Grandmother

Moving day

It's moving day, y'all... Today, I move into my new condo. I'm excited for this new start, but I will miss a few of my neighbors.

Tribute to Petey Pablo Jones

On February 4, 2010, my dog Petey passed away. He had heart disease and pulmonary disease. He experienced a series of fainting spells, he lost the use of his legs, and could not eat the last two days of his life. On February 3rd, I made the decision to call the vet to discuss having him put down because he was in so much pain. The next morning, I found him. He was gone...his little body laying lifeless.

Petey Pablo Jones entered my life very quietly. When Sandy, his foster mom, brought him to my house, he was very quiet. He checked out the apt and me and in an almost regal way, he gave the ok to consent to live with me. The first day I had him, he destroyed my kitchen because I wouldn't take him to the store with me. But things got better after that.

Petey was the best dog, he didn't bark alot, he didn't go to the bathroom in the house and he was very playful. Petey wasn't the kind of dog that barked when someone came to the door. In fact the maintenance man told me that Petey was very good when he came to fix something. I remember thinking that Petey should've at least barked at him. But then again, Petey was very welcoming of most people. He did have a sense for people who were bad. One day, my brother Scott was walking to my house and some guys were outside and they started messing with him. Petey saw this from the window and got really upset. He was barking ferociously, in a way that I had never seen before. He was very protective.

When I decided to get a dog, it wasn't my intention to get a bichon. I wanted a pug. But then I saw this dog and she was so cute... the rescue organization said that she, Bella, needed a lot of attention and a large backyard. But they had another dog, Petey and he was very friendly. So Sandy brought Petey to my home to see if we liked each other. He checked me out and seemed to like the place. So he stayed.

Petey wasn't one to play fetch or play that much with toys. He was too sophisticated for that. He also wasn't one to run and jump on you when you came through the door. But when he wanted to play or give hugs and kisses, he made sure you knew it. Even when he wasn't feeling good, he still tried to be near me. I'm really grateful for that.

I can't begin to express how much I love Petey. I got him because I wanted a friend to keep me company. But I got so much more with him.

• He gave me love unconditionally.
• He taught me forgiveness. 
• He taught me responsibility.

When he got sick, I felt powerless to help him. I wish I could've done more for him. But in the end I know that it was his time to go.

I will always love Petey.
I will miss Petey.

I will carry his memory in my heart. 

Always.

To speak or not to speak.

There are so many things I want to say. But so many times that I feel like I have to censor what I really feel for the sake of keeping the peace; for the sake of being polite. But sometimes, I feel like what I feel might be what someone needs to hear. After all, sometimes a wake up call is exactly what people need to get them back on track.

The hard part is that as a woman, if I'm blunt and speak my mind, then I'm not perceived as not being a nice person. So I keep my real thoughts to myself, which makes me seem passive.

I want to find the middle ground...

Reflections (No Resolutions)

I applaud anyone who makes the decision to make a change and can actually stick to it. That's what New Year's resolutions are all about. I, on the other hand, can't bear to set myself up for failure...not at the beginning of the year. So I don't make New Year's resolutions. However, I do think self reflection and self correction is always in order and appropriate throughout the year.


For the next minutes, indulge me as I do some outward reflecting.


I'm not a political person, but no one can deny the history-making moment on January 20, 2009 when Barack Obama was sworn in as the first African-American president. Many people were happy and many were not. Some think that he can solve all our problems and some believe that he's a socialist bent on having the government take over every facet of our lives...NO COMMENT.


Sarah Palin - After losing the election in November, Sarah Palin decided to step down as governor of Alaska. She told Oprah that she had reached a point in her office where she could not effectively accomplish the things she wanted to do for her state. You know, the republican party used Sarah Palin to get votes. But I think they didn't realize that Sarah Palin is not the kind of person who will go away quietly. She wrote a book after the McCain camp threw her under the bus after losing the election. In her book, Palin basically threw them under the bus and rode it back and forth... back and forth. Don't get me wrong, I still question her ability to answer a simple question. But I do think that it's good that she's speaking up for herself.


Michael Jackson - I don't think anyone saw this coming. The day that Michael Jackon died was probably the saddest day of the year. You always hear that phrase, "the day the music died" and I have to say that on June 25th, it felt like that phrase actually came true. The crazy thing about Michael Jackson's death is that it seemed to cause as much division among the country as the presidential election. There's never any good that comes out of a person's death. But if there is a lesson to be learned, it is this: Prescription drug abuse is out of control in our country. What's worse, there are doctors who enable and even assist in supporting addictions. It is a serious epidemic in this country.


Closer to home, I experienced many new things this year. I completed my first year in a new and exciting position. I overcame the feeling of helplessness that weighed me down for the entire first year. I found my niche and made progress.


In May, I graduated from UMUC and felt a huge sense of accomplishment. This opened at least one door for me at work that I am waiting to walk through. I'll write about that in the 2011 blog.


On the social front, I made some new friends. Some from work, some from school and some from my congregation. It's opened up my circle of friends. I don't make friends easily, so I was surprised by the relationships that were formed this past year. But on the flip side, I realized that some relationships seem to have waned. I don't know what to do about them.


Here's my final thought: reflection needs to happen all year long. Self correction can and should occur on an as-needed basis. I welcome that inner reflection and actually find it very useful. Don't wait until January 1st.

Avatar - The Movie

Official Avatar Movie

This is what I have to say about Avatar: If you had any ideas that imperialism wasn't such a bad thing, Avatar will convince you otherwise. It was a futuristic look at the savagery that imperialistic countries have done to indigenous peoples all over the world. The movie makes you rethink your views on the things that are done in the name of progress.

James Cameron wanted to make this movie in the 90s after Titanic. But I think that it was good to that we didn't get it until now. I think that watching this movie given the current war really puts things in perspective.

I will make this one caution. This movie isn't a children's movie. There was profanity and considerable sci-fi violence.

The Wii

December 23rd is a bad day to decide that you want a game console :(

I did not get my Wii.

The last time we had snow like this...

The last time we had snow like this was back in February 2003. This is what I was doing that weekend. I wrote this 6.5 years ago:

Seeing Anna (Patty Duke) in "Oklahoma!" 2003

I made my way to NYC this weekend to see Anna in Oklahoma and I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed Anna's performance. Keep in mind, I had never seen Oklahoma before and so when the curtain went up and then she didn't utter sound for like five minutes, I was a might concerned. But when she did start, in my mind, I was like, “I can't believe that I'm actually here watching Anna perform." I really enjoying the show, despite fact that I had only had about 2 hours sleep since Thursday night... (It’s a long, long story).

Now, would be a good time to mention that I left Maryland for NYC on Friday night and arrived at hotel at 7:30 am on Saturday because of a series of stops. My friends and I knew of the upcoming snow in Maryland, but hoped for the best. By 7:30 am Saturday, my mom called me and said that they had 2 inches of snow on the ground in Maryland and that more was predicted to come. Carrie also told me that they were predicting snow for NY, so we decided not to stay too in NY too long.

Back to my story...

We stayed in a hotel in Long Island, Hicksville, specifically. The hotel guy told us that I could take the train into the city to see the play. So like a brave girl, I took the Long Island Railroad to Penn Station. I met to nice older women who told me about the train system and they filled me in on the fact that Penn Station had a fire on Friday, but not to worry because everything should be ok. I took the train in and it took about 45 minutes to get into the city. Well, because I'm not always the most intelligent person, when I forgot the address to the Gershwin theatre and to make matters worse, the play was scheduled to start in 45 minutes. I was on 34th street and had to get to 51st street. Common sense would tell a thinking person to catch cab at this point. But not this gal...I gotta do things the hard way. Not only was I going to walk in 20 degree wind, but I was also on the look out for a camera and a gift for Anna. Foolish, I know...

Well, I didn't get Anna a present, (Billy don't be ashamed of me, but I could see myself walking 17 blocks in that wind with flowers). I got to the theater with about 10 minutes to spare and by this time I was starving to absolute death. To prove the point, I actually purchased a $3 bag of M&Ms and was perfectly ok with the exorbitant pricing structure of the theatre. I found my seat, which was in the rear mezzanine, which is really high up. I was on the aisle, but it was ok. To make my day even more interesting, I discovered that a trip to the ladies room might have been a good idea before the play started, but being the fool that I am, I just sat there thinking dry thoughts until the intermission.

Now nothing terrible interesting happened to me personally during the second act except that I got to watch Anna some more. Once the play was over, I went to the stage door to wait for Anna. Everyone and their sister came out of the door and for about 10 - 15 minutes I waited out in the cold for Anna. With the wind chill, it felt like it was 0 degrees out; my fingers, toes and face hurt from the cold. But I waited. Now there was a girl who was not from this country out there with me. She wanted everyone's autograph and she wanted me to take her picture with everyone. Now because I was raised to be nice to people in general, I didn't mind at first. However, when it became obvious that I might miss Anna, then I got irratated. Eventually Anna came out and these burling men swarmed over to her and asked for autographs on what seemed like thousands of photos. They also inundated her with facts about her life and with seemingly inane questions; at least, they seemed that way because they were questions that I could've answered myself. The only thing that was useful out of their conversation was Anna's announcement that she will be appearing on the series finale of Touched by an Angel this spring. She's really excited about this and who wouldn't be really.

Then the ultimate thing happened. The two guys departed and then the foreign girl turned to me and said, pointing to Anna, "what is her name again?” I could've slapped her right then and there, but I didn't want Anna to think I was a nut, especially since I was going to tell her that I was friends with Carrie. The girl got Anna to sign her playbill.

Anna said, "well I've got to go now and get dinner so we can be back in time.”

Julie: "Ok, I'll be the last one. My name is Julie and I'm friends with Carrie and Bill. They told me to come say hi to you"

Anna: "Oh really? Isn't that nice. Did you want me to sign the program too?"

Julie: "No, the playbill is enough?"

I said no because the program has Andrea Martin in it and if I'd known that, I wouldn't have bought it.

Anna: "Well, it was nice meeting you, we really have to go."

Julie: "Ok, thanks."

Here comes the foreign girl...

FG: "Can you take my picture please?"

Julie: "Well actually, I wanted a picture but ok.”

Then Anna left... I got no picture, but she did sign my playbill.

I called Carrie, my new NYC travel agent, got directions back to Penn Station and went back to the hotel. Now, had it not been extremely cold, I would've just waited for Anna to come back to talk to her, but again, it felt like 0 degrees. I made it back to Long Island safely and nestled in for a cold winter's night.

My mother called at 7:30 this morning and said, "Come home now. There's a foot of snow on the ground they just said that it's not going to stop snowing until tomorrow night. We may get up to 2 feet of snow." Well, we started out at 7:30 am and what is normally a four hour trip took us 10 1/2 hours in the snow. I took lots of pictures of cars stuck in the snow, including one of a tow truck. As soon as the Governor lifts the ban on driving, I'll get the pictures developed. Right now, you can get fined $1000 for being on the road.
So that's my story. Even though it was only for a minute, I'm really glad that I got to meet Anna. Hopefully, in a warmer season, I'll get to meet her again.

Ricardo - The glazed mask

Ricardo LaMascara

This is the latest ceramics project

Ricardo LaMascara

Work with me, people

I just want a day when everything goes right... things go as discussed... and no one questions the decisions I make. Understand... I don't know everything and I will never claim that I do. But when it comes to the things I do know, all I want is a little trust and faith that I'll do the right thing.

I want to apologize to my Melissa and Sam who had to see me lose it today... Yes, Sam, that was me losing it. It wasn't quite a Jillian moment... but it was me at a very raw moment. I promise to do better.

Ceramics Project #2

This is my ceramics project

And this is the other side

Daylight Savings Time

from http://nergon.com/2006/10/

Click the image for a larger view. It's funny and oh-so-true.

Teaching for Dummies

I dare someone to buy me this book:

It can be purchased online at Amazon.com

They got me working, working day and night.

I've been working since October 5th... I mean, I haven't had a day off since October 4th. I can't wait until Sunday. I'm going to sleep late and have nice pot of homemade coffee.
Now, I might work on my ceramics project that day. But not at school. I have some secret ceramics clay at home... Don't tell anyone.

LOST Season 6 Poster

Look what I found today:

7 days to pay day

This is what it has come to...

*sigh*

Prime Time

Every day at work, I hear people talking about the TV shows they watch. More often than not, I haven't heard of the shows they're talking about. The other day I mentioned to a friend that I've found myself watching re-runs of old tvs shows more than current tv shows. It seems like a day doesn't go by without at least one episode of the Golden Girls, Good Times, and occasionally Touched By an Angel. I have never seen an episode of Mad Men, House, Heroes, and I don't have a clue what True Blood is all about. After telling her this, she suggested that I watch some shows from the current season.

So tonight was a night of firsts for me. I could've punked out and watched Touched by an Angel on the hallmark channel. But I decided to give Prime Time a shot. At 8PM, I watched FlashForward (in my best tv announcer voice) from the people who brought us LOST. After watching it, I'm not sure how I feel about it. The premise is interesting; every person on the face of the earth blacks out for exactly 2 minutes, 17 seconds at exactly the same time. Each person then sees flash forwards of their future... 6 months into the future. The crazy thing is that they all see their life on April 29, 2010 at 11pm. For some people the is good, but most it's bad. I"m not sure how long the writers can drag out this story before it jumps the shark.



The second first was Grey's Anatomy. OMG was that episode sad. I had no idea Katharine Heigl was on Grey's or else I would've been watching it before now. Since I know that some of my friends DVR various shows, I won't say what happened. But I will say that after two hours of Grey's, I was in tears. Thanks alot Janelle... I wouldn't have watched Grey's if you hadn't mentioned it today.

Random musings

These are some random things that have crossed my mind lately...

1. I'm finding it hard not to judge Lindsay Lohan... she is a hot mess.
2. People who have a sense of entitlement bug me... mostly when they need something from people who they deem unworthy of respect.
3. I am proud and amazed that I have made it to my one year anniversary in my new job.
4. Project Runway has started and I'm curious to see what drama ensues this season.
5. My dog is a mama's boy.
6. I love the Hallmark Channel.
7. People have been talking about aging a lot lately. I think that getting older is only as traumatic as you make it.
8. I want to write more often because I still have things to say.
9. I've been thinking about the all the careers I wanted to have when I was in high school. It's no wonder I ended up in the arts.
10. There are a number of instruments that I want to learn to play: guitar, piano, drums, and trumpet.
11. I think Dave Matthews is a musical genius. His music is more complex than any music you hear today.
12. Facebook feels like a burden on my soul most days of the week. But I can't stop checking it.
13. There is so much I say and much more I don't...