Friendship for Grown-Ups: What I Missed & Learned Along the Way
Here’s the thing… I’m not really into self help books. I’m not into books about women’s issues. So when I read that Lisa Whelchel wrote a book about cultivating meaningful relationships, I was a little skeptical. I probably wouldn’t have even given it a second glance except that it was written by Lisa Whelchel; and let’s face it, I love the Facts of Life. I grew up on the show, literally. I wanted to be all four girls rolled up into one. The four girls were funny and seemed to enjoy each other.
When the show was over, I learned that Lisa had declined to appear in an episode that dealt with pre-marital sex and I remember thinking that I was really impressed with her integrity and her willingness not to compromise her Christian beliefs. Later I found out that she travels the country sharing her experiences and her beliefs. Again, I was impressed because this was a 180 degree departure from Blair Warner, the character she played on The Facts of Life, a character who in season three declared that she didn’t believe in God because her parents had divorced.
So I decided to give the book a preview on Amazon. I read the first few pages and was intrigued. The inside jacket reads, in part:
“I’ve always operated under the mistaken notion that the more perfect I was, the more people would like me and want to connect with me. So I kept a slick, glossy finish on my layer of protection. What I learned was, ultimately, my very ‘shininess’ acted like Teflon and prevented any kind of lasting bond.
Many tears, years, mistakes, and betrayals later, Lisa could see how God had been teaching her the lessons in friendship that she had missed as a child in Hollywood”.
So immediately you would assume that, of course, since she grew up in Hollywood, she wouldn’t have the social skills that “normal” people have. I mean, we all know that stereotype of the child actor… socially awkward as an adult and riddled with problems. However, in one brief anecdote (p.12), Lisa sums up why she hid behind a wall of perfection that only served to keep her from connecting on a deeper level with friends. More importantly this experience reveals why each one of us can relate to her experiences with building close friendships. In essence, this anecdote gives the reason to continue reading the book.
As I read Lisa’s story, I saw myself in some of her reflections. Her struggle to open up and then her devastation after disappointment, those were the reflections that really resonated with me. Her journey and struggle to invite the intimacy of real friendship into her life despite the pain it might bring was encouraging. Don’t get me wrong, there were devastating disappointments that seemed to cripple her at times. But her faith and support from others helped her navigate herself back to a peaceful place. These lessons also helped her to improve her relationship with God.
This isn’t a story about a Hollywood actor trying to fit in with ‘regular’ people. This is the story of a woman who took a chance to let people behind her protective wall and how taking that leap of faith helped her grown in her Christian faith.
What is great about this book is Lisa’s honesty and candor. Don’t expect her to dwell on her life in Hollywood. In fact she only name drops twice in the book and both times, she mentions one of her closest friends, fellow Facts of Life star, Nancy McKeon.
Just a note, this book can be found in the religion, Christian life, or women’s issues sections of your bookstore. Lisa writes as a Christian, often quoting scripture or referring to how her faith helped her get through a particular ‘season’ of her life.
To learn more about Lisa Whelchel, visit her website at
http://www.lisawhelchel.com/ or follow her on twitter at
http://www.twitter.com/lisawhelchel.
