No means no

When my doctor said to lay off the caffeine, I supposed I should've really listened to him. I had a migraine for a month and he told me that caffeine can trigger migraines. So I tried to give up coffee. I was good for a while...that is until today.

After an insane staff meeting, I needed something to help me calm down. So, of course, the most calming thing to drink is a lovely espresso drink called Caramel Macchiato. It's a super soothing drink. Needless to say, my body was not ready for that amount of caffeine and I proceeded to have an anxiety attack which culminated with me crying at my desk while working on server logs. Thank goodness my friend Gina called or I'd still be sitting there bawling about who-knows-what.

This evening (oh you'll love this) I decided not to go to aquafit. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. I thought, "I know, I'll go home and take a nap...Yeah that'll help." What kind of non-functioning brain decides that a nap would end an anxiety attack?

Anyway, I went home, got in bed and actually thought that I would go to sleep. Nevermind the fact that my mind is swirling with all kinds of crazy thoughts and I'm still about two minutes from crying. But there I was actually thinking that I was going to go to sleep. I set my alarm on my cellphone and laid there for 30 minutes. I don't know if this is possible, but it seemed as though I felt each minute pass by. I was aware of every single noise in my apt and all of the ajoining ones for that matter.

I got up at 6:15 because I had to get ready to go to bible study. My mother called and I told her that I was in the middle of an anxiety attack and that, yes, I was still going to the book study. I assured her that I wouldn't cry or become emotional during the study. She told me to try to keep it under control and not get too emotionally involved in the material. I did manage to keep it together, but there were moments that... I don't know... I felt myself slipping. Thankfully, I was able to catch myself.

Although when I accidentally referred to West Germany as "the west side", I almost cracked myself up... and the person sitting next to me actually said "WEST SAYID!!" I thought I going to pee my pants from laughing. By the way kiddies, it's not good to laugh out loud at bible study. Just a note to save you from getting in trouble.

So the lesson here... When you doctor says no caffeine, he means it!

For all you genies

10,000 years in a lamp can sure give you a crick in the neck!

Runaway

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
-Linkin Park


Last night I dreamt about running away. Every now and again, I dream that I'm trying to get away, but things always go wrong. I can never escape.

These dreams feel like a metaphor for my life. I can't figure out what that metaphor means or even how that makes me feel. But I have a feeling that it means that there's something I need to face head on.

Construction Zone

The apt decorating is progressing. I got some more decorations at Target yesterday. The Global Bazaar section was up to 90% off. I can't wait to get it done so that my friend GINA, who comes over for dinner ALL the time, can see it. She'll really like the changes.

The next thing to do is get rid of some stuff. I need to make a trip down to the Salvation Army to donate some stuff...Although, I'd rather have a yard sale and sell some of this stuff.

How long is your diversity stick?

I attended a seminar today hosted by some employees from the World Bank. They talked about working in diverse cultures and the challenges they've faced. It was eye opening to me because I consider myself pretty open to diverse cultures. But it's one thing to accept people who come to your culture. It's another thing to go to someone's culture and navigate through your baggage and adopt all the culture behaviors.

I think that all of us would do well to spend a day or two in a different culture to find out how different, yet how similar we all are. We're all connected as human beings. The best phrase that I heard today was "human beings are human beings are human beings."

Five months later.

What I have to say today may be shocking to some and to those, I apologize up front.

I was watching Oprah today and she had stories from Hurricane Katrina and how after five months some people are still living in horrifying conditions. There are still 2000 people missing and very little clean up has been done.

We all know about the devastation in New Orleans because that's all we were shown, day in and day out. But there were other places that were destroyed in Mississippi, Alabama, Texas and in other parts of Louisiana. It makes me sad to hear that people feel forgotten and alone because all the attention, initially went to New Orleans.

Now, New Orleans' mayor Ray Nagen, has made a special effort to get parts of New Orleans ready for Mardi Gras and that's all fine and good, if you're into that sort of thing. But there are thousands of families with no place to go. There are people living in tents, while FEMA trailers sit unoccupied. There are children who have to go to over crowded schools because only one school was fit for operation in a particular area. What's going on is madness and all the government officials keep pointing fingers and blaming other people. But these are people's lives we're talking about. They can't wait around until someone decides to own up to their mistakes and take the blame.

The people holding up the progress are more than likely people who can go home to a relatively nice place each night and sleep in a bed, not a cot, but a bed. Like I said, it's all very frustrating to look at and take in.

I will say this, and again, if it offends you, I'm sorry. When the Twin Towers fell in Manhattan, it wasn't economically advantageous to let the lower Manhattan sit in ruin. The powers that be got things moving to clean up and recover as quickly as possible. George Bush made it clear that he would do everything necessary to get New York back to what it had been. Isn't New Orleans just as deserving? Why do we have to play the blame game before our own people get any help?

I hate to say this but I truly believe that if we had seen more images of white people suffering right from the beginning, more would've been done. The poor black people were seen as refugees, looters, and lost souls in the midst of the disaster. Most of those people probably aren't voting republicans or else, they'd be safe now. Our government has a way of favoring those who are their own and this time it's costing people their lives, their homes, and their way of life.

I guarantee that if those areas had been more conservative areas, the money that had already been allocated to strengthen the levies would've been in place. The scientific reports that showed not only that a cat 5 hurricane was coming, but that the levies could not withstand the pressure of a cat 5 hurricane. Why weren't these reports taken more seriously.

We live in a sick world, run by men who could care less about the little guy. That's why I'll be glad when Jesus comes to clean up the mess that we have created. If he doesn't we are libel to destroy each other.

A plague

I've decided that there must be a plague on my household because I can't seem to shake this sinus infection. I've had it since December and nothing seems to help it. I wanted to stay in bed today, but I figured that it wouldn't help. So here I am at work, just trying to maintain.

If you find me asleep under my desk, just tiptoe around me...please don't wake me up.

Old Lady Madonna

I used to be jealous of Madonna, but not anymore.

© KIRSTY WIGGLESWORTH/AP
Madonna
Madonna Reportedly Has Hernia Surgery
Feb 16, 5:47 PM EST


The Associated Press

LOS ANGELES -- Madonna may have gyrated like a 20-year-old at the Grammy Awards, but her body felt the brunt of it later. Following last week's high-octane performance, Madonna had hernia surgery at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, the New York Post reported Wednesday.

The 47-year-old singer appeared "pale and had no appetite" after the surgery. At the Los Angeles Kabbalah Center on Feb. 10, she did not eat or lead the after-dinner prayer as she usually does when there. Husband Guy Ritchie was absent, the Post reported.

"Whatever was commented on in the New York Post is what we're confirming," Briele Douglass said Thursday. She is an assistant to Madonna's publicist.

Last summer, a horse accident in London left Madonna with a broken collarbone and three cracked ribs.

Buyers Beware

Home Decor

I'm in the process of redoing my living room and dining room. I am giving my mom the dining room table and the shelf and my stereo in exchange for a black porch table. Now before you make a face, let me tell you my plan. I really want to open the space up in my dining room and since I never have people over, there's really no need for a large dining room table that even I don't eat at.

So all I'll need to do is get a piece of glass and a table cloth and I'll be on my way. I also got a painting for the dining room, but I want to get the table in place before I put it up.



I've really let the apt fall to the wayside since I've been in school. I need the organization and the peace that comes with it in order to stay focused. Hopefully, once the table gets here, I can achieve that level of peace I need.

Snow Pix

We got 16.5" of snow in Harper's Forest.

Here are my snow pix:

And the snow came

I hate to admit, but I love the snow. It makes life so difficult and causes things to close, but it is one of the most things I've ever seen. We are getting between 6 - 10 inches of snow within the next 24 hours. I'm going to try to get some pictures of the snow tomorrow morning and that'll be the only time I leave the house.

Did you know that part of the purpose of snow is to help clean the atmostphere. That's why there's a different smell in the air during and after a snowfall. The smell of snow holds the promise of something new, something better. When I smell snow, I feel like I've been given the chance to make things new. It's like getting a second chance. I don't want to waste my chance. So, I'm going to use it wisely.

The weekend

So this week was a week that tested my soul. I took my final on Wednesday and had what felt like a minor panic attack. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't keep a single linear thought. The funny thing is that I had it after I took the final. I was completely fine before the final, but I was a nervous wreck afterwards.

Now they're calling for snow. There are differing opinions as to the amount of snow. But needless to say, we will get something. I can't wait. I love snow; it's so beautiful. I hope to get some nice pictures.

Now, I am making a trip to IKEA tomorrow to get a computer desk for my sister... and maybe something for myself. But we have to see. Hopefully we can get down and back before the snow gets bad.

Why Me?

Today I had one of the dumbest conversations I've ever had in my life. I had people calling me about something that so wasn't worth the time and effort it took for me to pick up the phone. But they made it a federal case. I finally said, "I don't care. Do whatever it is you want to do."

I wonder sometimes if I'm the only one with a ton of work to do sometimes... Could be...

BTW, I got fillings today and my teeth feel really weird. I'm afraid to brush them with my battery operated tooth brush. What if the fillings fall out?

Oh well, thankfully, tomorrow is Friday. Hopefully it will be drama free.

Yeah right...

What do you say?

I wish I had something of some importance to share tonight. Each day that passes, I feel that I could do more with my life. I've set so many plates before me and am only taking small tastes from each one. I feel connected to everything, yet out of touch at the same time.

There are things in my life right now, that are completely out of my control. I don't like this, but it's important that I go along, be a part of the team. I definitely want some answers, but need to careful about getting them or else I could make life harder on myself. But being a type A person, you know that this uncertainly is killing me.

However, I do know this. Having supportive people in my life helps me through these times. Also, prayer helps a lot. There is no way to make it through without prayer.

Faith

Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities though not beheld.

- Hebrews 11:1

I feel pretty...oh so pretty

Guess what kiddies? Aunty Julie went to the spa today and she had a grand old time. The massage, facial, manicure and pedicure, all necessary things to make this gal happy.

Massages are a new thing for me and as uncomfortable as I thought I'd be, I really wasn't. The facial was cool, until she started sticking me with some pointy metal thingamabob (that's a technical term; you need not worry yourself about it). I think she was cleaning my pores...Yikes!

When it was time for the pedicure, the part I was most nervous about, (did you see my feet before today?), it wasn't so bad. Although it was kind of disconcerting because my tech was a little Asian lady. Did I mention the Asian nail technician in my blog post about stereotypes? If not, I should've.

Any who... it was a good afternoon... in fact it was a great afternoon. I got to spend it with someone who is slowly turning into my twin... or am I turning into hers? hmmm... We got to talk about alot things. I'm glad we went.

Blogs revisted

I'm working on the revisions of my research paper about blogs. It's a strange thing, this business of revisions. It's just as hard as writing the first draft. But I'm almost done. There are a few points that I can't wrap my head around. But it'll come to me, I'm sure.

Hey check it out... I'm writing in my blog about writing a paper about blogs. It's like that M. C. Escher drawing of the hand drawing the hand drawing the hand.

It's done

After one billion hours, I finally finished my research paper, all 22 pages. It's about blogs in higher education. It has a lot of information. I just hope that I get a good grade on it.