Incomplete

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete


-Incomplete
The Backstreet Boys
from the CD Never Gone

I've been busy today

I guess you could say I've been busy today posting photos and such to my blog. I decided to do this after looking at other people's blogs for about two hours last night. Plus, I really didn't have anything deep and meaningful to talk about today.

But you know what? I can't be eloquent everyday! So, read on about my friends.

The Westhavers

So I have these friends, the Westhavers, Keighley, Marie, and Wes. I've hidden their identity so that the feds can't find them. (Just kidding! :)) They're a cool family! Keighley, the daughter, is a little bit Gothy and a little bit rock-n-roll. Ma and Pa Westhaver are techies. Ma's into Web Design, but her alter-ego loves to write. Pa's a programmer/inventer (at least in my mind) on the level of Dr. Emmett Brown from the Back to the Future Trilogy but with more neatly arranged hair.

He came home one day, when Ma had invited me over for dinner, and was talking about needing a part for something he and his dad were inventing. To me it sounded like this: Click the link to hear the actual sound bite from BTTF.

"Don't worry. As long as you hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely 88 miles an hour, the instant the lightning strikes the tower, everything will be fine."

Anyway, the reference to BTTF brought on a slew of, "you know what my favorite part was?" lines. It's so cool when you can just randomly start quoting from a movie and everybody gets it!

Rick Pollard, Me and Shawn Bingham. Shawn's moving to Florida to be closer to his family. We'll miss you Shawn! 

VK...chillin' at commencement

Virginia Kirk (on the right)... She's pretty cool! I wish I knew the other lady's name.

Kate Podson, the invisible Leadership Club member who nobody knew for a whole year. I'm so proud of her success at HCC! 

Dave Greisman, man we've known each other for a long time. Hope you become the great journalist Dave!

Alex Nowodazkij, SGA President 

My little buddy

This is my niece Jamera. She's as cute as a button. Her teacher has a british accent and Jamera is learning her words in a british accent. It's really cute to hear.

Forgiveness

For some time now, I've been living with a dilemma. How do you stop hating a person you don't trust?

In order for me to have peace and to expect forgiveness from God, I must learn to forgive. Each of us is forgiven daily for the sins that we unknowingly commit. How then, can I, knowing that I have offended many in the past, continue to hold the sins of another in my heart? I can't.

So I am resolved not to hate anymore. I have to find a way to show love toward the one who has offended me. In my heart, I choose to believe that she didn't mean to hurt me and I am resolved to restore peace in our relationship.

The Watchtower of July 1, 1970 had this to say about forgiveness:

*** w70 7/1 p. 388 Why You Ought to Be Forgiving ***

Jesus underscored the discrepancy between our indebtedness to God and another person’s indebtedness to us in an illustration. This he gave right after he told the apostle Peter that he must forgive, not only up to seven times, but, “Up to seventy-seven times.”—Matt. 18:21, 22.

In this parable or illustration he told of a king who forgave or canceled the $10 million debt of one of his slaves. But that slave was unwilling even to grant time for a fellow slave who owed him only $17 to make repayment! In fact, he had him thrown into jail! Upon hearing of this, the king canceled the mercy extended to the unforgiving slave and ordered him to be thrown into prison until he had paid all that he owed. Pointing out the moral, Jesus then said: “In like manner my heavenly Father will also deal with you if you do not forgive each one his brother from your hearts.”—Matt. 18:23-35.

Thus Jesus in his parable underscored not only the need of our forgiving others but also the great difference between what others owe us and what we owe God. Yes, what others may be said to owe us by reason of their trespassing against us, compared with what we owe God by reason of trespassing against his laws, might be likened to the difference between $17 and $10 million. If God can be that forgiving, should this, then, not prompt us to be even more forgiving than we have been?

So that's it. I'm letting go of the anger...letting go of the pain.

In a fog

I don't know what to say tonight. I try to write something meaningful in my blog everyday. But today, I feel devoid of intelligible thought. I think I may be getting the flu. The medicine I took has left me feeling yucky.

So if you're looking for some sage wisdom, don't look here... I'm all out.

Fun day

Today I spent the day out in the ministry. I stayed out longer than I intended to stay out. When the time came to either go home or continue on, I surprised myself and stayed out. I learned a lot about the sisters that I worked with this afternoon. They told me stories about married life. It was a good time.

I received a text message today:
"do something fun today - doesn't matter what :-)"

Good advice and I took it.

I went to the movies tonight and saw Monster-in-Law. What a hilarious movie. Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez were soooo funny. I hope that I never have to face a situation like that.

Setting Goals

So here's my plan to balance my spiritual education and my secular education:

(Matthew 6:25-34) 25 “On this account I say to YOU: Stop being anxious about YOUR souls as to what YOU will eat or what YOU will drink, or about YOUR bodies as to what YOU will wear. Does not the soul mean more than food and the body than clothing? 26 Observe intently the birds of heaven, because they do not sow seed or reap or gather into storehouses; still YOUR heavenly Father feeds them. Are YOU not worth more than they are? 27 Who of YOU by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span? 28 Also, on the matter of clothing, why are YOU anxious? Take a lesson from the lilies of the field, how they are growing; they do not toil, nor do they spin; 29 but I say to YOU that not even Sol´o·mon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these. 30 If, now, God thus clothes the vegetation of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much rather clothe YOU, YOU with little faith? 31 So never be anxious and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or, ‘What are we to drink?’ or, ‘What are we to put on?’ 32 For all these are the things the nations are eagerly pursuing. For YOUR heavenly Father knows YOU need all these things. 33 “Keep on, then, seeking first the
kingdom and his righteousness, and all these [other] things will be added to
YOU. 34 So, never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have
its own anxieties. Sufficient for each day is its own badness.

One thing that I have seen over my years of serving God is that whenever his servants put his will, his service, first in their lives, everything else falls into place. This doesn't mean that they don't have problems. But they are better equipped to handle their problems if they always put spiritual things first.

So that's my goal for my secular education. I'm putting it in its proper place in my life. My primary goal in life is to pursue and expand a fuller share in the ministry. The way to do this and maintain my secular education is to set up a schedule and stick to it. Up until now, my life has been hit or miss, in most areas. But I need clear directions, I crave it. I know it's the only way to achieve my goals.

Good Day

I had a good day today. I went out in the house to house ministry. The group I went out with didn't find too many people at home, but we still had a good time. It was encouraging to be with people with similar goals as myself.

I'm really trying to improve in my skills in the field ministry. One of my goals is to get to the point where I go out on a weekly basis and get at least 10 hours a month. I also want to get better about my personal study schedule. I finally made my schedule and put it on the refridgerator. I've been meaning to write out my study schedule for a few weeks. I think that by making a schedule, I can get myself on track.

This schedule is going to come in handy this fall when I start taking classes at UMUC. I really don't want school to get in the way of my spiritual studies. One reason why I have waited to go to school was that I wanted to get my spiritual studies on a regular pattern. I think that by getting started on my pattern now and working about it throughout the summer, I can get myself prepared for the fall.

For a Friend

Had a friend once upon a time who had a hunger to learn
Good and bad was all she had and all she was concerned
She found out they were one and the same
The truth dont need to have a name
She loved to share with the moon soon she shared with me
The adventure this life could be
If we just let ourselves be free
She gave me peace of mind
Like a butterfly song to a rainbow shrine
And today feels good
Soul Sister

-Cree Summer
"Soul Sister"
From Revelation Sunshine

A Revolution

I take a water aerobics class on Monday and Wednesdays. When I first started taking the class, I thought that I was getting a good workout. I thought that since I enjoyed the class, everything was going well. I wondered why I wasn't losing any weight because I had heard that 30 minutes in the water was equivalent to 2 hours on land. So for sure, I should've seen some results.

One day, we had a substitute teacher; pyscho-sub, I called her. She worked us hard, so hard we couldn't talk during the exercises. I didn't really like her but it was a good thing to have this change of pace. She kicked it up a notch.

This past semester, I started taking Aquafit, which is basically Water aerobics. Our instructor Nancy worked us hard, but it was fun at the same time. She worked us so that everyone could work at their own level yet still get a great work out.

After some weeks of her class, I began to see the difference between what I had been doing and what I should've been doing. I had started working out because my doctor wanted me to lose weight and she suggested that I work out five days a week. In the past four months I've seen a huge improvement in my physical body as well as my emotional health. Having this time to workout helps me to release any stresses that come up during the day. I also see that my body shape is improving. I haven't gotten on a scale, so I don't know if I've lost a pound, but I certainly feel better.

So I titled this blog A Revolution...why? Well, one day our Water aerobics instructor was late to class and being the type of person now who doesn't want to miss too much time from my exercise routine, I started to lead the class in some exercises. I showed them some moves that I was learning in Aquafit and they really liked them. They saw that we could do more strenuous exercises and instantly craved more. When our instructor arrived, we told her that we wanted to do harder exercises, but she really hasn't kicked it up a notch at all. This happened about three weeks ago and since then I've watched our class plan a mini coup.

By the end of yesterday's class, our last class, one person said to me, "I'm not signing up for this class again unless we get a new instructor". I got this person and all the other people in my Water aerobics class to sign up for Aquafit. Today was our first class and they loved it. This is the level of work out they wanted.

So we got together in the locker room and talked about going to the Human Resource department and telling the Wellness Coordinator about our concerns. We want to continue the class, but not with same instructor. And since Tuesday and Thursday are not ideal for most of us, the Aquafit class may not be something they can continue in the fall.

I don't know how things are going to turn out. But I hope things work out so that we can have a good workout in the fall.

First day home

Today, I slept in. I had good dreams, so it was easy to do. I woke up feeling like I had plenty to do, lots to accomplish. But it was my own list of to-dos, not anyone else's.

I had some running around to do and my plan was to head out early and come back and rest before my water aerobix class. I was out for a good long time today and did a lot more than I planned to do. But it was ok, because I didn't feel stressed at all.

I've been feeling overwhelmed for about a month now. Work seems to offer very little challenge as of late. Especially with the threat of complete and total change looming on the horizon. Right now, we're sitting in the calm before the storm with everyone watching and waiting to see how things unfold.

But for this week, I'm not going to worry about it.

Peace at last

It's been said that when you living space is ordered and clean, your mind will follow suit.

My bedroom has been a mess for the past week. Clothes piling up on the end of the bed...papers on the floor, next to the boxes in which they had been stored.

Yesterday, I bought a new loveseat. It is the finishing touch in my apt. I feel like my home is complete. With a new loveseat with matching decorative pillows and tables, I had this need to clean my apt. So I cleaned my living room kitchen and dining room. Then I moved on to my bedroom. I put away all the clothes, clean and dirty. put away the excess stuff on my dresser. Put away all the magazines and paperwork that lay next to my bed.

As I cleaned my room, the anxiety that I had been feeling slowly melted away. The stress that was causing my disturbed sleep seems to go away. Later that evening as I lay in bed, hoping and praying for restful sleep, I felt a feeling that had eluded me for a week; peace.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, having no memories of any disturbing images. My dreams were good and pleasant. I felt thankful to Jehovah for giving me a restful night's sleep. It was the best way to start off my vacation.

No shoes, no shirt, no problems

I'm so ready for my vacation. Visions of sandy beaches, warm breezes and a life moving slower than normal fill my imagination. I need a break from everyday life. I want to stay up late and be care free.



I want this!
10 days off.
Anyone seen my Kenny Chesney CD?

Disturbed Slumber

Betrayal
Adultery
Lies
Anger
Mistrust
Injury
Death
Lost Love
Van Halen
Darth Vader
Dinosaurs
No Escape

My dreams haunt me each night, robbing my mind of the peace it craves. My unsettling thoughts hold calm captive in the deep recesses of my mind never to escape and free me of the worries that plague my spirit.

I need a good night's sleep.

Dude, guess who's going to college?

From : UMUC Undergraduate Enrollment Team

Sent : Wednesday, May 18, 2005 9:15 AM

To : Julie M. Jones

Subject : Welcome, Newly Admitted Undergraduate Student

Congratulations! You have been admitted to University of Maryland University College. You will be receiving an acceptance letter shortly explaining your admissions and residency status.

**stuff in between that I can't share. Personal codes and such.**

We wish you much success in achieving your academic goals at University of
Maryland University College.

Click here to visit my new school

Ever feel this way?

I feel awful for saying this, but I'm burned out. I need a break. I don't feel productive anymore and worse yet, I'm frustrated with my lack of productiveness.

Today I made this very passionate speech to someone about how (in my mind) my coworkers and I are being persecuted for delivering a message about some changes that have to be made. The nature of our work puts us in the position of having to tell people that they have to change the websites that they've worked long and hard on, in order to conform to the college's web standard.

What amazes me, still after five years, is that within our organization, people feel very free and open about harshly criticizing our department or IT in general. So many times you'll hear people say, "I would've done so-and-so, if IT had come and fixed my computer." Or "if IT hadn't done that, we'd be able to do so-and-so". And people feel more than comfortable in pointing these things out during meetings in front of other people and from the standpoint of an IT person, it's like, "maybe if we insult or embarrass them, they'll get the job done." How rude is that?

As customer service people, we can't do that. If any of us dared called out the short comings, or should I say, perceived shortcomings of anyone in the college, we would be called "smug IT people". Yet and still, we can be insulted all day long and are expected to take it with a smile.

For me, it's a horrible feeling to be directly or indirectly called out in a meeting, especially when the situation could be handle in a private setting before or after the meeting. I find it insulting and blatantly disrespectful.

So, with the changes that are going to take place with the web, the rumors are already flying. And with each rumor, there are people who have an opinion as to what we could do better. I'm all for suggestions, but at a certain point, someone has to say, "listen, this is the way it's going to be and that's all there is to it. Deal with it or leave."

I know I sound very militant and frustrated and in a way I really am. But I'm also very tired and burned out. I just need some cooperation and agreement.

As I typed those words, I heard Cagney saying, "Hey, what world are you living in? People are going to complain. Get used to it." And she's probably right. I can't control the world, nor can I control the people at work. But for once I would love to hear someone say, "I have to convert my site to the new standard? Great, it's about time!"

I'm going to bed...
Only 3 more days...

I say, put up a sandwich board that says, "come see us...we'll tell you what you need to know".

I'm becoming intimately familiar with the Howard Community College website this week. I'm going through all the web folders looking ways to improve marketing opportunities for various areas within the college. There are sites that I've never seen before and honestly, I don't think anyone else has seen before either.

We really let too many people have access to create websites. This is part of the reason why we have so many problems convincing people that they should conform to a set of web standards. We let people do things willy-nilly for years and now we're paying for it. We have site with over 100,000 webpages; 85% of which are virtually useless. Everyone thinks that their info is important and in any other setting, they probably would be. But we have a huge mess on our hands. The thought alone of having to clean it up makes me tired...

The web nazi in me says, wipe out the whole server and start from scratch.

Alas, I can't wipe out the website, at least not without getting into trouble. So instead, I think I'll go to bed.

From a recent email...

How much do we actually know about our friends and relatives?
This is a questionnaire to get to know them better.
Read through the comments below, about me.


1. What time is it: 9:24 pm

2. Name: Julie

3. Nicknames: Jul, Jules, Jules Vern

4. Piercing: two, one in each ear

5. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater: Hitch

6. Eye color: Brown

7. Place of birth: In Sinai Hospital

8. Favorite foods: Crab cakes

9. Ever been to Africa? No.

10. Ever been toilet papering: Nope.

11. Love someone so much it made you cry: haven't we all?

12. Been in a car accident: No

13. Croutons or bacon bits: eww!

14. Favorite day of the week: Friday

15. Favorite restaurants: PF Changs

17. Favorite sport to watch: Oh do I have to ? Isn't there a good movie on Lifetime instead?

18. Favorite ice cream: Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk (even it makes me sick - lactose intolerant)

19. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney

20. Favorite fast food restaurant: Subway

21. What color is your bedroom carpet: brown/tan

22. How many times did you fail your driver's test: Failure was not an option

23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail: with 7 email accounts, who even knows?

24. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: Sam Goody or Ikea depending on my mood.

25. What do you do most often when you are bored? Talk to people on IM and read other people's blogs

26. Bedtime: My goal is 11:00 - 11:30 or earlier depending on the night.

27. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? Carrie

28. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Jeanette, I don't think she even checks her email.

29. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? Probably Carol because I know her the least.

30. Favorite TV shows: Gilmore Girls, Reba, and Hope and Faith

31. Last person you went to dinner with: Marie

32. Ford or Chevy? I don't know the difference...

33. What are you listening to right now: because of question #11, Brandy's song Have you Ever? is stuck in my head.

34. What is your favorite color: sage green

35. Lake, Ocean or River: I'm not big on water, but if I have to choose, I guess ocean.

36. How many tattoos do you have: What, are you trying to get me in trouble?

37. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? 7

Time you finished this e-mail: 9:33

End of the week

Today was a long day... filled with meetings. I wish I had something witty to say. But I don't.

I hope that things get better for everyone soon. We all need some happy times in our lives.

Have a good weekend!

Making some head way

I felt really productive today. I've finally figured out how to approach the project that I've been avoiding for 5 months. I think I know how I'm going to do it. Now I just have to get it done within the next two and half weeks. I should be able to do it provided no one asks me to part the Red Sea for them between now and then.

Monster in my room

The rental office finally came and put a screen in my bedroom window. I never noticed that there wasn't a screen until about two weeks ago. So I opened my window today and within 10 minutes look what was in my bedroom.



Killer Bee that tried to eat me today 


Now keep in mind, I did not enlarge this picture. This thing is really that big. My mother said that it was probably a queen bee. I was paralyzed with fear, but I managed to get it into a tuperware bowl and get it outside. Now, that I can open the window, I'm afraid to.

Some days...

There are days when I feel super productive and very capable of handling my job. On those days, I actually get through projects and actually have a sense of pride about my work. There are days when helping people is effortless and is even a joy.

There are days, though, where I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. People call and I have no clear cut or easy answer to their questions. Or worse yet, I don't know the answer to their question. Sometimes people don't see the big picture and ask for things that just are impossible or irrelevant.

Today was neither of those days. It was a day in between. I got work done, but became frustrated with the prospect of all that is still left to do. A few calls came in that were relatively easy. But the ones that have been with me for a while puzzle me because I can't seem to make any headway with them.

I have two reports to write by the end of the month. First of all writing professional reports is not my strong suit. One report will ultimately go to the Foundation board - the money people. How scary is that? So I really want to do a good job on it. Although I have no idea how I'm going to do it.

The other is a recommendation report. I really need some alone time on this one because I don't even know what to recommend. Worse still, I don't know if my recommendations will even matter in a year with all the changes that will be made.

Right now would be a good time to have a clone to help me do these reports.

My alter ego

I've been giving this superhero thing some thought lately. I've been a Wonder Twin for two and half years and I think it's time to graduate to the next level.

Of course, most superheroes are more effective with a sidekick. Well, Obi Wan, you can turn in your light saber...we have new alter egos... and we're on equal ground now.

Cagney & Lacey




Oh by the way, I get to be Lacey :)

E True Hollywood Story

So apparently, the break up of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez was received about as well as the break up of Brad and Jen.

It must be hard to be famous.

When I get married, I'm going to do everything I can to keep my marriage out of the tabloids.

;)

What do I say?

As I sit and comtemplate what sage piece of wisdom I can pass on to you, my faithful reader, the only words that come to mind are:

Be honest in all things. The benefits are eternal.

Need sleep

This has been a busy week and I think my body is feeling the effects. I felt completely drained of all my energy. I really need to put in for a vacation, that is once I figure out when I want to take one.

I'm going to bed now.

An aha moment

It all makes sense to me now. Things seem so much clearer.

A Sunday matinee

I went to see A Street Car Named Desire today at the Theatre Outback. I'd never seen an HCC production and was extremely impressed with the talent that we have at our school. The girl who played Blanche Dubois played crazy really well... A little too well. I've only seen crazy played that well once before - Diana Ross in Lady Sings the Blues.

I also got to meet Marie's mom. What a great old gal. She and I got to talk for a few minutes while we were waiting for Marie to bring the car around. She told me about the place where she lives. She realize seems to like it there and "90% of the people are really nice". I just love how she broke it down mathematically. She said that there are people who do nothing but complain all the time. I told her about having to deal with some unfriendliness in my life as well and she said that there will always be people who try to bring me down no matter where I go. I've heard that a million times, but there was something terribly wise about that statement coming from her.

Before leaving her, I gave her a hug and told her that we have to hang out some time w/o Marie. I have to admit, I do have a soft spot in my heart for old people. They may fart and fuss and get on your nerves sometimes asking you to repeat what you said 17 times, but they can be so cute that you forget all the annoying stuff.